Country Living: Our Man in Arundel

I hope you've not missed me too much recently. I've been in Paris for a few days. France, not Texas. Girlfriend's birthday.

And, as I'm sure you were hoping, I've returned with a handful of observations.

Firstly, if you're ever in a position where you need to speak to someone who doesn't know much of your native language, it really helps if you talk slowly. No, slower than that.

You. Often. Need. To. Make. Each. Word. Very. Clear. Like you were explaining the plot of a Victorian novel to one of the Teletubbies. A teletubby that's just woken up. Probably the purple one. Mostofus don't realise howmuch we runwords together whenwe talk.

Secondly, the French really like their meat. My chateaubriand looked as though there'd been a tragic collision between a cow and an aircraft propeller.

Thirdly, the French word for 'croissant' is 'croissant'. Talk about coincidence!