Contains strong language from the start

When I hear TV programmes announced with the warning "this show contains strong language from the start", I often wonder if there are grounds for complaining about misrepresentation. After all, there rarely is strong language right at the beginning. Four Weddings and a Funeral - repeated on TV earlier this week - reminded me that there are always exceptions. And I'd forgotten how good it was, too.

Off on a tangent

When I was younger I was in a band called "Reno Nirvana". No, not a misprint but a play on words. The closest we ever came to having any success was:

• our lead singer's self-published poetry (which wasn't really anything to do with the rest of us),
• producing a demo tape of a song called "Selina Scott, Breakfast Television Girl" that we hoped would be played on the BBC's new Breakfast TV service (it wasn't), and
• planning a gig at a bar in Worthing that then closed down before we had a chance to hit the big time.

I mention this only because I wondered this morning whether anyone was currently performing as an Oxfordshire tribute to Whitney Houston. "Witney Oxon" has a good sound to it, I reckon.

I'll be off now...

Quality, Service and Fares

The business card says:
The Ringmer Village Cab Co.
for quality, service and fares.

It’s strange how our language lets us infer that the quality is high and the service is good… but doesn’t let us assume any superlatives about the fares. Instead it seems an odd statement to make: we're a taxi company and we have fares.

Yes, the fares are fair. Just in case you wondered.

Confession

Remember how I said my childhood wish was to have a Land Rover?

Well... er... (shuffles in an embarrassed way)...

Let's just say I can now cross that one off the list. And they took my only-had-it-for-a-month 'old car' in part exchange. There'll be no more talk of car problems now, I trust.

Cast your votes

Arundel is a decent-sized town. So where would you think the Polling Station was when we were voting for the town council yesterday. The Town Hall? A school, perhaps? Or the swimming pool?

Over 70% of West Sussex Air Pollution Is Produced By Motor Vehicles

“Over 70% of West Sussex Air Pollution Is Produced By Motor Vehicles” says the sign on the back of the 700 Bus. “Be part of the solution”.

Forgive my pedantry but unless this is a pedal-powered bus you’re PART OF THE PROBLEM AS WELL!

Del Arun: Our Man in Arundel

Living in a village or small town has its frustrations and its rewards - often different sides of the same coin. The local newspaper has mercifully little truly bad news... but there's a letters page that's regularly full of grumbles about petty bureaucracy. Yet this week there's a 'parish pump' news story that actually answers a question of mine.

Frank, the owner the grocer’s shop, has a Newfoundland dog. B-i-i-i-g dog. (Think 'Nana' in Peter Pan). Lola - for that's her name - usually sits in the back of Frank's van outside the shop, watching the world going by and occasionally drumming up trade.

A few days ago I noticed some hand-drawn "Get Well" cards for Lola in the shop window. And now the West Sussex Gazette - an excellent newspaper (and I mean that without irony or sarcasm) - has explained why. It seems that Lola was attacked by another dog earlier in the month. Fortunately she's much better now.

I'm genuinely pleased to have the answer - especially as it’s good news.

Del Arun: Our Man in Arundel

When I was a child - a young teenager, to be more specific - I didn't like eating ice cream if I was in my home town. Indoors was okay, but out on the street... well... it made you look like a tourist, didn't it?

So why do you find me sitting:

• in the sun
• on the High Street
• on a wooden bench
• with a cup of coffee and a piece of Millionaire's Shortbread?

No, it's not Sussex Impersonate-A-Tourist week. I'm waiting for a bus.

"A bus, Del?", you respond. Yes, a bus. "But don't you have a stylishly rugged car that reflects your personal stylishness and ruggedness?"

Yes, I do. I'm off to collect it from the garage. Again.

Last week it was serviced. This week I've had new HT leads and a gasket replaced. Alas, leaking oil had damaged the leads. Both the garage and I had hoped they wouldn't need doing for a few months. We were both wrong.

From a positive viewpoint, that's one less thing to break down in the future. From a negative viewpoint, I've now spent over 65% of the purchase price on repairs within the first month of ownership. It'll be a bargain for the next owner, that's for sure!

Anyway, back to the tourist-lookalike issue. I was wondering whether Arundel residents (of which I'm a relatively recent addition) had any obvious techniques to make themselves stand out when compared with tourists.

We'll be the ones voting in Thursday's local election, of course. And we're the ones who know where the secret parking places are. But is that it - or is there more? Are the "Save Arundel Pool" car stickers really indicating membership of a secret Mullets' society? I wonder how you find out?